Oh, what a life
So, this has been the month of change in our great world of Perkins-ness. As many people know, I was the board president of the board of the boys' daycare center. Due to some unforeseen circumstances (and a lot of really crappy timing), we had to close the center. Two of our caregivers left the center to open their own daycare. Unfortunately, they used some pretty nasty tactics to recruit over half of our kids. We just weren't able to pull through. The center had been in existence for over 25 years, so to be one of those at the forefront of the decision to close was really tough. We decided to close in August, shut our doors the 3rd of September, and auctioned everything off on the 18th.
This is experience has taught me so much. About people, about life, about change. For some reason that I am still not really able to peg, I took this entire thing very personally. I felt guilt over the decision to close. There were so many questions about what could have been done differently. And the guilt over ALL of the hours and dedication that those before me had put in just to have it close down. Or maybe it was the sense of failure. The fact that nothing in my life has ever come close to going this terribly wrong before. Never had anything blown up in my face the way that this did. And there were a good handful of people that were not afraid to let me know it! And the idea that I was so blindsided by people I cared about. People that cared for my children, none the less. To know that people are not always what you think they are is a tough lesson to learn. Or maybe it was because this whole thing was so directly linked to my children. Consider it the mother lion instinct. I am nothing if not a fighter. And rationally, I knew that my kids are 1 and 3, that kids move daycares all the time, that they would be fine. But my heart-thinking wasn't quite so rational.
But also, despite all that, I've also learned a few other things. I've learned where my supports are. And I've learned I have a lot of it. I am blessed a million times over with amazing family and friends. I've learned that I CAN pull through some tough situations and that maybe I'm tougher than I thought. I've learned that my kids really are fine. That the care that they receive during the day is VERY important, but when it comes down to it, I am their rock, and I'm not going anywhere. One quote that I came across during this whole thing was "Giving up does not always mean you failed. Sometimes giving up means you are strong enough to let go."
And such is the trial and tribulation of the world called motherhood. It has now been almost a month since the center closed. And things are looking up. Braxton LOVES his new daycare and has started preschool. Kyler is adjusting. It is getting better every day (But still a struggle. He's getting tubes in his ears next week, which should help, but that's a whole different story...). And the ability to let go of that responsibility has done a lot for my sanity. The new center has already asked me if I'm interested in sitting on their board. I told them I am on hiatus for the foreseeable future...
I guess what I am saying is, you know what, sometimes life is hard. And in the thick of it, it is so easy to lose perspective. But the fact of the matter is that life could be a whole hell of a lot worse. My kids and husband are safe and healthy. Our home is still in an upright position. I have a few dollars to my name. I call that good enough for me. Screw the rest of it ;).
This is experience has taught me so much. About people, about life, about change. For some reason that I am still not really able to peg, I took this entire thing very personally. I felt guilt over the decision to close. There were so many questions about what could have been done differently. And the guilt over ALL of the hours and dedication that those before me had put in just to have it close down. Or maybe it was the sense of failure. The fact that nothing in my life has ever come close to going this terribly wrong before. Never had anything blown up in my face the way that this did. And there were a good handful of people that were not afraid to let me know it! And the idea that I was so blindsided by people I cared about. People that cared for my children, none the less. To know that people are not always what you think they are is a tough lesson to learn. Or maybe it was because this whole thing was so directly linked to my children. Consider it the mother lion instinct. I am nothing if not a fighter. And rationally, I knew that my kids are 1 and 3, that kids move daycares all the time, that they would be fine. But my heart-thinking wasn't quite so rational.
But also, despite all that, I've also learned a few other things. I've learned where my supports are. And I've learned I have a lot of it. I am blessed a million times over with amazing family and friends. I've learned that I CAN pull through some tough situations and that maybe I'm tougher than I thought. I've learned that my kids really are fine. That the care that they receive during the day is VERY important, but when it comes down to it, I am their rock, and I'm not going anywhere. One quote that I came across during this whole thing was "Giving up does not always mean you failed. Sometimes giving up means you are strong enough to let go."
And such is the trial and tribulation of the world called motherhood. It has now been almost a month since the center closed. And things are looking up. Braxton LOVES his new daycare and has started preschool. Kyler is adjusting. It is getting better every day (But still a struggle. He's getting tubes in his ears next week, which should help, but that's a whole different story...). And the ability to let go of that responsibility has done a lot for my sanity. The new center has already asked me if I'm interested in sitting on their board. I told them I am on hiatus for the foreseeable future...
I guess what I am saying is, you know what, sometimes life is hard. And in the thick of it, it is so easy to lose perspective. But the fact of the matter is that life could be a whole hell of a lot worse. My kids and husband are safe and healthy. Our home is still in an upright position. I have a few dollars to my name. I call that good enough for me. Screw the rest of it ;).
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And please post some more photos of my nephews pleaseee!